I KNEW I COULD NEVER FULLY UNDERSTAND. I HAVE NEVER BEEN RAPED. I HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BUT NOT RAPED.
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TAUGHT TO BE STRONG. INDEPENDENT. SMART. – THAT WILL PROTECT ME.
“Don’t go running at night,” they said.
“Lock your car door,” they said.
“Keep watch around you,” they said.
“NEVER LET A MAN CONTROL YOU. NEVER LET A MAN DO THINGS TO YOU THAT YOU DON’T WANT THEM TO. NEVER GIVE THEM THE OPPORTUNITY TO HURT YOU.”
“KEEP YOURSELF SAFE.”
Want to know something gut wrenching? None of this works. I’ve been hearing this for years and I have thought and said- “I am going to teach my daughters to be strong, to fight, to protect themselves, to never let a man hurt them.”
I WAS SO WRONG.
This past week I learned about true cruelty and injustice.
For SIX hours my best friend testified her story. SIX hours. For six hours she sat/stood in front of a courtroom of strangers and was pelted with question after question about the most horrific moments of her life. Her rapist got to watch.
This past week I learned what a “Not Guilty” verdict can mean for a victim of rape.
SHE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT.
We will never know why the jury did what they did. To everyone else she had done more than prove “beyond reasonable doubt” – the judge even agreed.
But the verdict matters. Validation is everything.
You know what else matters?
SHE DIDN’T LET HIM DO ANYTHING BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T SCREAM.
SHE DIDN’T GIVE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY. HE TOOK IT.
THERE IS NO WAY TO PROTECT YOURSELF.
Sadly, it doesn’t matter how strong you are or how smart you are or how brave you are – there is no winning.
LET’S STOP BLAMING THE VICTIM.
I am guilty this week. I am guilty of thinking there is a way to protect my girls from bad men (or women) simply by teaching them independence and strength.
There is an opportunity for culture change and I am starting with myself.
PLEASE GO TO MENCANSTOPRAPE.ORG AND LEARN ABOUT THEIR MISSION.
ABOUT THE BECKYJO CHRISTMAS QUILT AUCTION
I have probably said 1000 times that I will NEVER sell a quilt. BUT apparently, I will hold an auction for one!
*MORE QUILT PICTURES TO COME OF THE FULLY FINISHED QUILT*
DETAILS OF THE AUCTION:
This auction is for my BeckyJo Christmas quilt. Pattern by @rebaleighhandmade
Size: 72″ x 72″ (the perfect large lap quilt)
Red/Green/Gold/Gray fabrics – a variety of mostly Bonnie & Camille from my stash with gold accents by Robert Kaufman
Backing is silver/light gray oh-so-soft and comfy minky.
Professionally long arm quilted by the always amazing and famous Abby Latimer! (Modern Twist design)
The auction will take place on Instagram. Check my feed: @beckyjoquilts
To place a bid, leave a comment with your bid and tag the person above you. The bidding will close on DECEMBER 15, 2017 at 23:59 Mountain Time.
The bidding will start at $200 and begins NOW!
At the end of the auction the winning bidder will donate directly to: MenCanStopRape.org – Donate and send me proof of their donation. I will ship it out the next business day following proof of donation.
More info about this quilt to come! Please watch my Instagram feed and feel free to message me with questions.